God's Plan

So basically, where I stand is....good question. Where do I stand? I believe the answer to my own question is wherever I want to stand. It's up to me to make the decisions on my own and hope for the best. I can't please everyone. Apparently, I also can't please anyone. I used to be able to, but nowadays I seem to inflict pain to everyone around me. I beat myself up for it just like I always have. I discipline myself because I deserve to be disciplined. Nobody has really done that for me except my mother and she did it for good reason. Without discipline, I'd be going off hurting everyone and not giving a damn about it. I wouldn't be realizing the damage I've caused and bothering to fix it. No, I'm not an evil sadistic person. I am a jerk but I can at least account for my own faults and not point the finger at others. It's just a horrible feeling though to hurt people that you love. I've lost so many people because of my stupid mistakes and I'm hoping that I can still have the people who mean a lot to me right now in the future. I'm tired of "friend-hopping" everywhere, I want people who can accept me for who I am and love me. I do have those friends now and heck, Pep Band gave me some more. Finally, I can give back and become a good friend to those who would like me to be. I need to do things the right way and become more selfless than selfish. I also know who can help me become this better person: God. Yeah, I've always believed that God will lead me in the right direction because He's there for me all the time. I pray every single day and thank God for everything he's done for me in my life. Although I've had my struggles, I'm still here standing tall (seriously, since everyone's so short...) and living my life the way I should be living it. It's time for some serious changes that I can stick with. I'm also glad I've left behind all of the unnecessary distractions that have kept me from making my change. Of course, this is going to be a long and tedious process. I'll just see who's willing to stick by me while I do all this. God already agreed to be with me. Who's coming onboard with us? We're more than happy to welcome aboard those who have a strong sense of faith and hope as well as positive energy. :)

Hmm

Hmm, not really much to write or report on. I've just been taking everything in and living my life. I finally got my hands on a Macbook! It's about freakin' time too. I'm still getting used to it and figuring out what it can (more like can't) do. I'm loving Garageband and the fact that my Mac recognizes my recording toys automatically is amazing. I don't have to waste hard disk space installing all of that stuff. I can't wait to learn Garageband and it's capabilities. I'll probably end up becoming a pro at it after I take my Music in Computer Technology class next semester. Speaking of next semester, I can't wait for that to come. I'm excited to enter the halfway point of college and move on from my home. I still am getting my apartment. I contacted one of the apartment contacts and he's going to call me when there's a place opening up in late January. All I need is to bust my ass during winter break and work. No problem, when do I NOT bust my ass. Well, I'm going to continue importing my CDs on here, so I hope everyone enjoys their Thanksgiving and time at home. Remember to thank God for everything He's given you and the quality time you will all spend with family/friends. :)

Lost

Seriously, what the FUCK did I do to deserve this. I put in so much effort yet it was all in vain. Nothing came out of it except me feeling even MORE like shit. Everyone who doubted me were right. I'm not fit out for anyone and I probably never will be. Whoever keeps saying I am is practically lying right in my face, something I do not appreciate. Nobody appreciates feeling helpless and useless. Sigh. I really do deserve to be alone. I'm getting tired of putting my focus into these so-called relationships that people want with me. It's all bullshit. Such crap. In any case, I'm just going to focus on my music. It's good to know at least one person cares about me a lot. I'm very thankful that this person is in my life. They know who they are.

Better

I just received the new Guns N' Roses cd Chinese Democracy today in the mail. Very surprising, considering the album is coming out on Sunday. I guess pre-ordering an exclusive from Best Buy = early delivery. In any case, I'm VERY excited about this album. It was definitely worth the wait of years on my part but I'm sure others waited a whole lot longer. The production for this album began in 1993, so it's been 15 years in the making. Each of the 14 tracks are quite memorable and I'm just VERY HAPPY to hear those lovely lovely vocals of W. Axl Rose because it's been way too long. He still ranks number one on my short list of the greatest frontmen in rock and roll. Nobody can beat his theatrics, attitude and vocal ability (yes not even Ozzy...). I won't go off writing an entire review on this album but it sure is something to check out if you're a fan of hard rock. Warning: it is nothing like the old GN'R but that's ok! Change is good and sometimes needed. In this case, Velvet Revolver sounds awesome and so does GN'R 2.0.

So today I basically went to classes and spent a few hours with Caroline. Obviously, we've got much more time to spend with each other but she had to leave for Harrisonburg to see her sister's play. I can't wait until things calm down between us so we can sit back and relax. Unfortunately she IS leaving back home for winter break but I'm still coming to visit her for a while in January! I hope she comes down to visit Fairfax for a little bit of time during the break as well. In any case, we need to spend the most time we can before we separate for break. Good thing we've got each others' schedule! Basically, I need to make some time and my computer is capable (finally) to run Google Desktop. I saw on Caroline's computer that it came with her Vista. No fair, but XP is still better than Vista! Alright, I'm going to go enjoy the album some more, watch some wrestling and continue writing my songs. Later!

Marooned

It's been a few days since I last wrote in here. Not much new is going on. Life's still going by smoothly. I've rekindled my love for Pink Floyd recently. I can't let them go, they're such a huge influence to me. I just received email about Love in an Elevator being finished and ready to go for Pep Band. So that's my task: to learn that song as well as Sir Duke by the next men's game on Tuesday. Looks like I've got something to look forward to! I also want to finish writing my two songs before it's too late. Anyone that knows how broke I am will tell you I give the worst gifts ever. Therefore, what better gift is there than a personal one that means a lot? I just hope these people will enjoy it. I hate to leave people disappointed me, hence I try my best to get things done. This reminds me, I need to spend more time with Caroline. It'll happen once she gets back from Harrisonburg. I'm excited to spend four days with her in January! I can't wait to meet the rest of her family/friends (I promise I'll come back alive in one piece)! Google Desktop is so handy, why haven't I used it before? Oh right, my computer's memory sucked. Now with 2GB, it runs quite smoothly! Now I'm off to continue talking to Caroline, til next time!

Patience

Guns N' Roses did a great job writing such a wonderful song. All we really do need is a little patience (Slightly off topic, but their new album is FINALLY coming out next week. I pre-ordered it too, sweeeet). It's taken me so long to develop such a high level of patience but oh man, it's totally worth it. Finally, I'm at the point in my life where I'm completely content. I've already discussed my plans for finding an apartment and got that whole dealio settled. I'm moving in mid-to-late January, more than likely around the start of the spring semester. I will still be looking for someone to move in with me, so anybody that wants in has in. Otherwise, I'll be putting up ads in the JC come January. Pep Band is going VERY smoothly as well. I've established my place in the band, met new people because of the band and just overall am having loads of fun. All the stress I've ever had in my life is done with now that I've have this awakening. I also owe it to two very important people in my life. I can't thank both of you enough for the support. It's nice to feel loved for once. It really does. What's NOT nice is having to write an English response for tomorrow AND a source paper for Western Civ. Great, now I'm off to work on those...patience....just a little patience...

Relaxation

So I finally have some downtime as a busy weekend is ahead of me. For the first time in my life, I actually am happy that I have stuff to do. I've met some crazy awesome friends, established a name for myself as a musician/teacher, got some good grades in my classes, understand what I'm doing in my classes, acquired guitar number six and become a better person overall. I'm finally out of my slump of not smiling and anger. I do get a bit upset sometimes but I have stress relievers to help me out, thankfully. The only thing I haven't done yet is buying an apartment. I still need a roommate. Regardless, I still believe that my time frame of mid-to-late January is do-able. My parents have approached me about this and said if I can find a roommate within 2 months of having my apartment, then they can help me to pay for my first 2 months' rent. I found that extremely thoughtful and it made me happy. My parents are opposed to paying for my stuff and I agree, I work hard and deserve everything I have. I've busted my ass and my parents see that. I've been working for the past 4 years straight of my life and I've saved up a decent amount of money. Not many 19 year old people can say they've got the cash I have. One issue I've got to address is that my parents have accepted my goals and aspirations of being a musician by more than 100%. In other words, my parents were originally against me going with music because of the chances of failure. My mom wanted me to work with computers since, you know, I'm a dork. Well, I've decided to stick with music and it's paying off. I'm making some pretty sweet cash and my skills are greatly improving. Heck, I can now proudly say that I can improvise. This is something I've been wanting to do years ago but I wasn't able to. Now with the knowledge I've acquired here at GMU, it's helped me a bunch. Plus, being in pep band helps with my sight-reading and it's fun. It's a blast to play with everyone. We go out there, have fun with it and pretty much make people feel good. I personally feel that every true musician's goal is to make sure that people enjoy what you give to them. Making music, in my opinion, is about what YOU put into the piece and making it come to life in a manner that involves interaction with your audience. I just realized I wrote a lot, I'm going to shut up now and relax some more. Til next time!

Early Bird

I'm writing a blog post quite early as it's only 4:30pm right now. I got home early today because I didn't have any reason to stay on campus all day. I had my two classes, confirmed my schedule with Lynn(I have no friday classes woo!!), saw Caroline (:D), ate lunch with Jessica (:D), went to Guitar Center with both of them, dropped them off and went home. I checked to see if they had the Les Paul Studio but they didn't. At least not yet. I tried out the SG though and man I'm confused now. Which should I get? I love the SG's versatility and lightweight structure. Doc reminded me that "portability is important." He's right, I need something that can be used quickly and efficiently. The Les Paul is a bit heavier but I have yet to try out the humbuckers on it. When it comes in, I can make my decision. Either way, they're both 300 bucks. We'll just have to wait and see. I'll keep you posted on guitar number six's progress.

With all this time I had to spend at home, I messed with my pedals and amp effects. I've finally come up with 4 different settings I can use for Pep Band. I wrote them down on a sheet of paper so I don't have to remember everything. They all sound sick hooked up with a humbucking guitar. I tested them out with my Dot Studio. Of course, I need a rock guitar so that's why I'm getting another one. My strat is still my baby, it's just not able to be used well for Pep Band. I'm still gonna use it as my main guitar for my other work though. I won't retire it just yet, haha. I'm off now to read for History, do Theory homework if I have any, and relax. I need some alone time again. It sure feels lovely.

Rush Hour

So today was a bit hectic but it ended well. My students at the music store didn't show up so I taught my private student early so I could head over to Robinson Field and play with the pep band. Now I know why we play during the football games. Our team sucks!! But it's fun to play the music and boost the morale of the team and fans. Afterwards, I went to Jessica's and hung out for some time before meeting up with Caroline and her friends for dinner. Southside again, woo!! The dinner was pretty damn good and the maple nut ice cream tasted lovely. Afterwards, I went to University Theatres and saw The Dark Knight with Caroline. We got into the movies about 1 hour after it started, but I'll make sure Caroline sees the beginning. She still loved it and I'm glad. It's such an epic movie, quite possibly the greatest one ever. Now I can once again relax tonight because my parents aren't home. I made my payments for my cell phone bill and my credit card. I still have to pay a bit off of my GC card. Priorites, priorities, priorities. I shall set them. Now I'm off to relax.

My Sweet Caroline

Neil Diamond writes some pretty damn good music. It's apparent why his music still stands decades later. Friday was just like every other friday except that I signed up for my classes. I'm still in awe that Music in Computer Technology was already full. So many people want to wake up very very early in the morning, I guess. It's gonna be a fun class and thank goodness Lynn loves me. She'll force-add me if needed. I love Lynn, haha. I had my sight-singing test. I pretty much bombed two of the five sections only because I didn't focus on those sections as much as I should have when I practiced. I have 2 more ear training tests and 1 more sight-singing test before the semester is over. I really have to buck up so I can pass the class with at least a C+/B. English was fun, mainly because Christielee is pretty awesome. The departmental was meh and lab band was also meh. Then my day finally picked up when Caroline came to Mason! We went to Ben and Jerry's, ate ice cream, drove over to Bowl America and played 3 games. Of course I won but we had fun! I hope I didn't screw up her tendonitis. I've been home ever since 7 just relaxing. I am liking my time alone tonight, surprisingly. It's very satisfying and I'm doing whatever I want. This is exactly what I've been looking for. I'm very happy right now in my life. I can thank Caroline for that too. I love her.

Stand Up

Get up, stand up. Stand up for your right. Get up, stand up. Don't give up the fight.

I really like that song, it's very powerful and political too. Congrats to Obama for winning the election (by a landslide, I called it) and becoming the first black leader of this glorious nation. Many people have mixed feelings about this turnout but we'll just have to see what he does. I'm excited, I'm pumped for a new beginning. I figured America did need change to happen. I'm also in the point of my life where change is definitely occurring.
Caroline has entered my life, I'm hanging out with friends, my guitar skills have been improving, besides my stomach I've been healthy and school isn't really stressful. The one thing that bothers me is family time. Ever since Wendy and Hunter left, I haven't been home much mainly because my parents don't come home until late. It's cool though, I need to spend more time away in order to prepare me for moving out. I still need someone to live with, ugh. I'm still working on that problem. Hopefully it'll get resolved soon. So life's been great and everything is working out just fine. Now on to relax some more, play some guitar and receive some love. :)

Happy Days

That's what I see. I can see happy days coming to me. I'm improvising a lot better, my confidence is boosting, social life is picking up, family life is great and my responsibilities are making me feel very independent. The changes I'm making in my life are making me a better person. Sure, people are still talking but I have to just brush them off. At this point, I don't care what anyone says about me. You can think whatever you want, but you still don't know me. You don't know the real me. If you got to know me, you wouldn't like me. So just leave me alone then and find someone who you'd like. Alright, people who keep talking crap about me? Stop talking about me and find something else better to do with your time. Oh and Obama has a commanding lead over McCain so far. He's gonna win. For sure.

[Insert Creative Title Here]

Sorry I'm not very creative tonight with my title. I don't feel like discussing a certain topic so I'll just talk about how the days have gone by. Friday night was a lot of fun. Me and Christine went to see the trio perform in Old Town Fairfax in the blistering cold. Although we froze, it was worth it because Jeremy invited us to his apartment to chill. Doc's place is nice and I totally didn't expect to be there. I hope I can visit again soon, hehe. Anyways, I owned Christine in Mario Kart Wii (although I should've let her win). Afterwards, we just talked for hours before I went home. Saturday was a long day. I went to work, headed over to Jeanine's and kicked her ass in Scrabble. Then we saw Matisyahu along with some pretty crappy opening acts. It was worth the 2 hour wait to see Matisyahu though. Every song was performed well and Aaron's solos were sick. I really hope to meet him as he pushes the bar in terms of jazz improvisation in rock/reggae music. Sunday was another long day. I went to work again and taught 2 kids. I got a new kid who's pretty good for a youngin'. Afterwards I hung out with Caroline for the longest time. We talked, relaxed, practiced for a little bit and saw a little bit of Hillary Clinton haha. Good good times. We met up with Jessica and ate dinner at Southside. Great ending to a great weekend I say. Monday, eh not so much. Great day except I left my headlights on all day so my car battery died. I had to wait until 2 hours ago for my dad to come with jumper cables. I just had dinner so now I'm going to watch the Redskins crush the Steelers!